You were very kind and understanding to me like no woman has ever been in her entire life. You helped me in my time of need and I will always appreciate you for that. Your name tag said “Allison” and you were working the register to the Target store on Somerville Avenue (near bridge). I was not in an especially pleasant mood at the time and I was a bit rushed.
You see, I was running late for a big meeting that I was having in downtown Boston. I was due to make an important presentation for the shareholders meeting (a presentation that I worked months in preparing). I was nervous all day and feeling those butterflies in my stomach. I figured it was just a case of the nerves and that it would soon pass by. Since the presentation was at 2pm, I decided to stop for lunch at noon and I got Mexican food.
My mistake that day was assuming that my stomach discomfort was just nerves. In reality, I was suffering from some stomach virus (flu like symptoms). As I was driving back from lunch there was something about that burrito that made my sphincter strain to its limits. There was no warning, it was an immediate and intense need to go to the bathroom. Unfortunately, struggling as I was, I didn’t make it. Volcanic eruptions happened while I was still in the car. Here I am, an adult male, and I just made poopy in my pants.
My pants were ruined and I didn’t smell “pleasantly fresh”. I walked into Target hoping beyond hope that there wouldn’t be many people there to see me. When I say “walked”, it was more like a butt clinched stroll. I grabbed a packet of underwear and new pants and a shirt (I didn’t do much comparison shopping or looking for the best price). I went to the first open counter and paid for my clothes.
You were the woman who rang my clothes up and you didn’t turn your nose up in disgust. Even though everyone and their mother could smell the stench reeking from my soiled garments, you pretended all was normal. You even managed to smile at me. After you rung up my clothes, you told me that there was a bathroom behind the last row and you gave me the key (it was an employees only bathroom). You never asked me what happened but just provided assistance as best you could.
You went above and beyond the call of duty. I ended up changing my clothes and cleaning up as best I could. My presentation went extremely well (hell, if I survived shitting myself being nervous at the presentation was the last thing I was worried about).
Allison…I found you very cute and would like to take you for dinner. Please though, no Mexican food.